My article for the January 2010 issue of TheOuterBelt.com. Check it out and make sure you bookmark the site!

A New kind of New Year’s Resolution!

By. Mr. Glass

Every year millions of us sit down and prepare a list of “New Year’s Resolutions.” A Ridiculous set of goals we set for ourselves for the New Year. Things like ordering food from a bunch of Celebrities just so you can drop twenty pounds, or getting help for your weird obsession with the Jonas Brothers. Stuff you don’t really want to do but feel forced too by the pressures of society. Not only do we waste our precious time thinking of what we want them to be; but then we also tend to fail horrendously when it comes to achieving them. Some even suffer the pains of saying goodbye to the love of their life, like The Baconator, all to attempt something they will ultimately fail. This year I propose an option that will not only save you from heartache, soul crushing and wasted time; but something that you can easily achieve!

I propose to you that instead of making a list of worthless “resolutions”, you make a valuable list of “Things I’ll NEVER do this year!” That way you actually create a set of goals that is achievable without any effort put forth! How does one go about making the list you ask? First off, throw out the entire school of thought on making a “New Year’s Resolution!” The boring old attitudes of “bettering the world” or “improving oneself” don’t apply to this list. It isn’t full of worthy, thoughtful, grand ideas. Instead, it is chock full of things you think are lame, can’t stand, or just plain out despise. Things you refuse to ever own, say, do or buy. It shouldn’t be hard to fill a list full of outrageously dumb things you will never buy, say or do. The list is more than a set of “goals!” It’s something that you can have to remind you how lame the rest of society is!

Making one’s list can be as simple as doing the opposite of your previous “resolutions.”  Instead of dropping some weight, make the very first thing on your list “refusing to eat disgusting overpriced frozen food to lose weight this year, just because Dan Marino tells me too!” Is there an annoying phrase going around that you can’t stand? Put it down, as “I will never say ‘going ham’ on anything that doesn’t involve ham” A bizarre blanket product that for the life of you, you just can’t figure out why anyone would ever buy one? “Till death, I promise to never wear a sleeved animal print blanket like a complete tool!”  Once you come up with one or two good things, more should come easily. Soon you’ll be on a roll!

Finally, you have compiled your list of “things I’ll NEVER do”, now it boils down to one simple rule. Making sure, you do not do any of those outrageously retarded things on the list! This should be easy, considering no one with half a brain really wants to spend $20 on an absurdly orange paper towel anyways! Now that you have your list full of things you will not be doing this coming year, you have much more time to focus on the important things. Like constructing your master plan of kidnapping Jack then holding him hostage for a few hundred tacos! Enjoy the New Year, and make damn sure you don’t do anything I wouldn’t!

Back in early 2008 I started a small blog called Hip-HopAlive! It was me trying to write about hip-hop music and my love for it. HHA! garnered a nice little following for the few months that I kept at it. I was receiving e-mails from lots of unknown up and coming artists who wanted me to review them. One of which was Colin Munroe, who has gone on to some pretty decent success. A review I did on Afrofreque, a hip-hop soul group from Houston, was actually my first piece to ever be published in any form. Sadly for some reason I decided to stop my little project. I was going through a rough time, and was still trying to figure out who I was. Later I tried starting up some other blogs, trying to emulate the things I saw on sites like 2Dopeboyz.com, all of which failed to ever be as good as the realness of Hip-HopAlive!. I ultimately quit them too, finally realizing that copying someone else ’s style wasn’t working for me. Hip-HopAlive! was my first real attempt at writing anything in a long time. I love that project for the simple fact that it re-lit the fire in me. It sparked my passion for writing once again. Since then I have changed, grown as a person and a writer. I have learned much more about the art, and have grown to love my little pathetic attempt at changing the hip-hop world. Looking back on some of the things I wrote, it makes me laugh. This was one of the first things I ever posted on the blog (many of the original posts have since been removed with only a dozen or so still remaining on the site). It’s my first attempt at ever doing a real album review, but not my last. With the new year coming up I plan on finishing what I started so long ago. I want to tap back into the magic that was Hip-HopAlive! I chose this album because it really touched me, and still remains one of my favorite of all time. It’s an album by an artist known simply as Blu. Here is my review from long ago of Blu & Exile’s Below The Heavens. Enjoy!

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Mr. Glass’s Words of Wisdom is finally for sale at the Worlds largest online bookstore, Amazon.com! As of December 4th 2009 the book is listed on Amazon. This means that millions of people now have an opportunity to see my book for sale. Every bit of exposure help the book, and this is possibly the greatest form available. However if I am going to make sure that this book is a success I need all of the help I can get. I need people’s help with spreading the book via word of mouth. The more people who hear about the book the better chances I have of selling it. Now with it being on Amazon.com it makes it even easier. Whenever you tell someone about the book just let them know its for sale on Amazon. The low price of $8 should make it easy for anyone to afford. So if you guys could help me out by telling your room mates, college buddies, team members, and Facebook and MySpace friends about the book I would be forever grateful! You can even post this short link that will take them directly to the Amazon listing for the book in your status, http://bit.ly/4yYlFD . Any exposure and help with promotion I can get is greatly appreciated!

This book means so much to me. It not only took a lot from me to create it, it took lots of help! All of the people who supported the WOW’s you played a big part. That is why I included your names in the book, to let you know that it would have never happened without your support. I would love to give a special thanks to two people though. First one being to a Mr. Jared Meyer, who originally gave me the idea of making the WOW’s a daily thing. You deserve as much credit for the book as anyone! Without you I would have never sent another one after the first day, but you gave me the idea and supported me. I would also like to give a huge thanks to a Mr. Ethan Kefauver whom illustrated the book for me. He did this completely out of the good will of his heart, and for that I am eternally grateful! So a huge thank you to the both of you, and to all of the other people who’s names are in the book. Now I just need your guys help spreading the book.

So please spread the word of the book through your status’s, and word of mouth. Also if you would like to include a small image of the cover of the book in your MySpace profile’s, that when clicked on will take them directly to the Amazon listing let me know. I can easily create this for you. So thanks again, and hope you enjoy the book!

For those of you who have been following my WOW’s or who know me, you probably know that I got into some trouble last fall. However none of you have ever heard all of the details or heard how it all actually went down. For any of you who buy my book you will even notice that I partially dedicated the book to two unnamed Secret Service agents. I am sure many of you would like to know why I did that, and what actually went on that day. This is a true factual account of that meeting. I left out a few minor details, like certain questions that were asked. However I left in about 99% of everything that was said and did that day. So here it is, my first person account of that November Afternoon.

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Mr. Glass's Words of Wisdom

So finally my publishers have listed my book for sale on their site. RoseDog Books (through Dorrance Publishing) are my publishers, and you can order the book from their site RoseDogBookStore.com So now you can get a copy either directly from me, or you can order it through them! And they have the E-Book format for sale too (its a digital format, better for the environment!)

So support Mr. Glass and go order a copy, or two, or my book right now!

www.RoseDogBookStore.com type in Mr. Glass in the search bar!

I figure since the holiday season is fast approaching I might as well help you guys out a bit. Picking the perfect gift can be a challenging task. There are so many options out there, and sometimes they can be ridiculously expensive. Don’t buy your loved ones a video game that they’ll be bored with in thirty minutes; or a pair of shoes that will be out of style in three months. Instead this holiday season get them something special. Buy them an autographed copy of my book, Mr. Glass’s Words of Wisdom. It’s sure to make a great gift for anyone this holiday season! So without further adieu here are my top 10 reasons (plus 1) why you should give my book as a gift this year!

1. My Book doesn’t require batteries. Unlike those fancy little MP3 players.

2. No assembly necessary. Unless of course your building a house of books!

3. It doesn’t contain trans-fats. Unlike those gross McDoubles!

4. It’s lead-free. Can’t touch that can you Fischer Price?

5. It won’t shatter if you drop it. Even though it’s written by Mr. Glass!

6. It’s sized to fit everyone. No worrying about what size pants your friend wears!

7. Books rarely go out of style. Can you say the same thing about Ugg boots?

8. There are no small parts that could get caught in your throat. Not touching this one!

9. It won’t poke your eyes out. Try getting that guarantee from a BB gun!

10. It’s only $8 (plus tax). A lot cheaper than any LCD T.V.!

Finally the most important reason why you should buy my book this holiday season is (drum role please….):

11. It might possibly be the funniest Self-Help book you will ever come across!

Who is the real Mr. Glass?

Ever wondered who exactlly is Mr. Glass? How on earth did he come up with that name? Where is he really from? Why on earth does he thank the secret service in his book? All of these questions and more will be answered! A unique uncensored autobiography of the man now known simply as Mr. Glass will be coming very soon! So keep checking back!

Until then keep your eyes posted to the site for a Mr. Glass exclusive mixtape coming soon! I plan on doing a profile/interview of up-and-coming hip-hop group Fly.Union as well so be excited!

BTW the 10 copies are all claimed and accounted for….so the rest of you will just have to wait until I order some more or until you order one yourself!

Get your copy today!

If you would like to be one of the first people to get your hands on an autographed copy of my book listen up! I just placed an order for 10 copies of my book, Mr. Glass’s Words of Wisdom. They should arrive by next Friday. So I am selling them to the first 10 people who comment the post letting me know they plan on buying one. It will be $8 per copy, and you wont have to worry about shipping since I will already have them. Ethan and I will autograph them for you, and will even leave you a special little message if you so request. Not only will you be supporting your friend, you will also be able to say you got one of the first copies ever printed! So since I know you all want a copy, be one of the first 10 people to get one! Leave a comment on here to let me know if you plan on buying one from me.

BTW: If you plan on waiting to buy it from Amazon I just want to let you know it might be a month before its up on there, so this is your cheapest and best bet to get a signed copy!

Reading my book!

So today when I got home from the store there was a package laying on the front porch. I had no clue what it was at first but as soon as I read my publishers name on it I flipped out! I opened it up and sure enough inside were three copies of my book! The very first three printed!

That’s right my book “Mr. Glass’s Words of Wisdom” is finally here!

So hurry up and get your $8 ready! Because its official my book is out!

For those of you who would like to get a copy ASAP! you can contact the publishers directly by sending an e-mail to Kathleen Haak at bookorders@rosedogbooks.com

More to come as soon as I can calm down enough to think straight!

A Werewolf on the Roof: How to Survive this Holiday Season!

by. Mr. Glass

From the November issue of TheOuterBelt!

The holiday season is fast approaching us and we all know what that means. Lots of time with friends, family and annoying carolers who do not seem to understand that when you answer the door in your boxers with your 12-guage in hand that it means you would greatly appreciate them leaving you alone. Unfortunately, we all know that spending time with your family also means spending time with that annoying mother in law of yours, and your rotten little nephews. Don’t forget that your grandma is going to talk for two hours straight about her cats in the middle of the Thanksgiving football game. Then on Christmas, your nephews are probably going to steal the remote and change from the NBA game to A Christmas Story. That way your sister can remember to scream at you for buying them a BB-Gun last year. Too bad, she doesn’t know that if they did shoot each other, we would all be able to watch the game in peace.  It can be enough to drive you nuts, ruining the holiday season for you. Luckily, that does not have to be the case!

The most annoying thing about the holiday season is you never seem to have enough cash for everything. I mean let’s face it; the life size robotic Santa Claus with a white gold beard and ruby encrusted cheeks is not cheap. Let alone the pimped out hydraulic sled built by Hummer! If you have any balls than you know, how important it is to outdo your annoying 65-year-old neighbor when it comes to decorating. No one likes being called a sissy pants loser, especially by a geezer in dirty depends. I mean, do you really want your son to think that it’s ok to let old people win? I didn’t think so! So if you really want to get the old fart back and soundly beat him this year as the best house in the neighborhood, than your going to have to shell out the big bucks. We all know your wife will throw a fit if you spend the entire Christmas budget on decorations again. For some reason she thinks your kids getting presents is more important than beating Mr. Ebenezer. Now I know what you are probably thinking at this point, that Christmas is almost two months away. However, if you want to win you have to start building up the cash now. What you’ve got to do is get yourself a second job whose earnings are solely for buying the big boy toys. (continue reading…)