I figure since the holiday season is fast approaching I might as well help you guys out a bit. Picking the perfect gift can be a challenging task. There are so many options out there, and sometimes they can be ridiculously expensive. Don’t buy your loved ones a video game that they’ll be bored with in thirty minutes; or a pair of shoes that will be out of style in three months. Instead this holiday season get them something special. Buy them an autographed copy of my book, Mr. Glass’s Words of Wisdom. It’s sure to make a great gift for anyone this holiday season! So without further adieu here are my top 10 reasons (plus 1) why you should give my book as a gift this year!

1. My Book doesn’t require batteries. Unlike those fancy little MP3 players.

2. No assembly necessary. Unless of course your building a house of books!

3. It doesn’t contain trans-fats. Unlike those gross McDoubles!

4. It’s lead-free. Can’t touch that can you Fischer Price?

5. It won’t shatter if you drop it. Even though it’s written by Mr. Glass!

6. It’s sized to fit everyone. No worrying about what size pants your friend wears!

7. Books rarely go out of style. Can you say the same thing about Ugg boots?

8. There are no small parts that could get caught in your throat. Not touching this one!

9. It won’t poke your eyes out. Try getting that guarantee from a BB gun!

10. It’s only $8 (plus tax). A lot cheaper than any LCD T.V.!

Finally the most important reason why you should buy my book this holiday season is (drum role please….):

11. It might possibly be the funniest Self-Help book you will ever come across!

A Werewolf on the Roof: How to Survive this Holiday Season!

by. Mr. Glass

From the November issue of TheOuterBelt!

The holiday season is fast approaching us and we all know what that means. Lots of time with friends, family and annoying carolers who do not seem to understand that when you answer the door in your boxers with your 12-guage in hand that it means you would greatly appreciate them leaving you alone. Unfortunately, we all know that spending time with your family also means spending time with that annoying mother in law of yours, and your rotten little nephews. Don’t forget that your grandma is going to talk for two hours straight about her cats in the middle of the Thanksgiving football game. Then on Christmas, your nephews are probably going to steal the remote and change from the NBA game to A Christmas Story. That way your sister can remember to scream at you for buying them a BB-Gun last year. Too bad, she doesn’t know that if they did shoot each other, we would all be able to watch the game in peace.  It can be enough to drive you nuts, ruining the holiday season for you. Luckily, that does not have to be the case!

The most annoying thing about the holiday season is you never seem to have enough cash for everything. I mean let’s face it; the life size robotic Santa Claus with a white gold beard and ruby encrusted cheeks is not cheap. Let alone the pimped out hydraulic sled built by Hummer! If you have any balls than you know, how important it is to outdo your annoying 65-year-old neighbor when it comes to decorating. No one likes being called a sissy pants loser, especially by a geezer in dirty depends. I mean, do you really want your son to think that it’s ok to let old people win? I didn’t think so! So if you really want to get the old fart back and soundly beat him this year as the best house in the neighborhood, than your going to have to shell out the big bucks. We all know your wife will throw a fit if you spend the entire Christmas budget on decorations again. For some reason she thinks your kids getting presents is more important than beating Mr. Ebenezer. Now I know what you are probably thinking at this point, that Christmas is almost two months away. However, if you want to win you have to start building up the cash now. What you’ve got to do is get yourself a second job whose earnings are solely for buying the big boy toys. (continue reading…)