My article for the January 2010 issue of TheOuterBelt.com. Check it out and make sure you bookmark the site!

A New kind of New Year’s Resolution!

By. Mr. Glass

Every year millions of us sit down and prepare a list of “New Year’s Resolutions.” A Ridiculous set of goals we set for ourselves for the New Year. Things like ordering food from a bunch of Celebrities just so you can drop twenty pounds, or getting help for your weird obsession with the Jonas Brothers. Stuff you don’t really want to do but feel forced too by the pressures of society. Not only do we waste our precious time thinking of what we want them to be; but then we also tend to fail horrendously when it comes to achieving them. Some even suffer the pains of saying goodbye to the love of their life, like The Baconator, all to attempt something they will ultimately fail. This year I propose an option that will not only save you from heartache, soul crushing and wasted time; but something that you can easily achieve!

I propose to you that instead of making a list of worthless “resolutions”, you make a valuable list of “Things I’ll NEVER do this year!” That way you actually create a set of goals that is achievable without any effort put forth! How does one go about making the list you ask? First off, throw out the entire school of thought on making a “New Year’s Resolution!” The boring old attitudes of “bettering the world” or “improving oneself” don’t apply to this list. It isn’t full of worthy, thoughtful, grand ideas. Instead, it is chock full of things you think are lame, can’t stand, or just plain out despise. Things you refuse to ever own, say, do or buy. It shouldn’t be hard to fill a list full of outrageously dumb things you will never buy, say or do. The list is more than a set of “goals!” It’s something that you can have to remind you how lame the rest of society is!

Making one’s list can be as simple as doing the opposite of your previous “resolutions.”  Instead of dropping some weight, make the very first thing on your list “refusing to eat disgusting overpriced frozen food to lose weight this year, just because Dan Marino tells me too!” Is there an annoying phrase going around that you can’t stand? Put it down, as “I will never say ‘going ham’ on anything that doesn’t involve ham” A bizarre blanket product that for the life of you, you just can’t figure out why anyone would ever buy one? “Till death, I promise to never wear a sleeved animal print blanket like a complete tool!”  Once you come up with one or two good things, more should come easily. Soon you’ll be on a roll!

Finally, you have compiled your list of “things I’ll NEVER do”, now it boils down to one simple rule. Making sure, you do not do any of those outrageously retarded things on the list! This should be easy, considering no one with half a brain really wants to spend $20 on an absurdly orange paper towel anyways! Now that you have your list full of things you will not be doing this coming year, you have much more time to focus on the important things. Like constructing your master plan of kidnapping Jack then holding him hostage for a few hundred tacos! Enjoy the New Year, and make damn sure you don’t do anything I wouldn’t!

Anyone who knows me knows that I love art, especially graffiti and paintings! Lately I have become hooked, almost addicted some could say, to this awesome company out of Chicago. I’m talking about Threadless.com, this super cool community based indie T-Shirt company that is helping spread artists work one shirt at a time! Anyone who appreciates art will love these shirts, because they aren’t just fads of fashion; they are beautiful pieces of artwork. Threadless operates by having artists submit designs then allowing the community (users, customers, etc.) to vote on them. Designs that win are printed into shirts, earning the designer up to $20,000. If you think about it though their designs are actually being made into, a walking canvas that helps spread that artist’s work around the globe. Threadless is changing the way we look at art.

Threadless is not just a t-shirt company, they are new kind of art gallery supplying artists with a unique new outlet for displaying their work. On peoples shirts. After all, the company really is all about the art! The vast array of shirts they offer is amazing, each one unique, showing the different styles of each individual artist. For an artist, nothing is cooler than seeing people enjoy your work. Watching people walk around town while wearing your painting or drawing would be amazing. For up and coming artists, there might not be a better way of getting your work out there. Best part is anyone can submit designs. All you need to do is download their submission kit and follow the instructions included. (continue reading…)

A Werewolf on the Roof: How to Survive this Holiday Season!

by. Mr. Glass

From the November issue of TheOuterBelt!

The holiday season is fast approaching us and we all know what that means. Lots of time with friends, family and annoying carolers who do not seem to understand that when you answer the door in your boxers with your 12-guage in hand that it means you would greatly appreciate them leaving you alone. Unfortunately, we all know that spending time with your family also means spending time with that annoying mother in law of yours, and your rotten little nephews. Don’t forget that your grandma is going to talk for two hours straight about her cats in the middle of the Thanksgiving football game. Then on Christmas, your nephews are probably going to steal the remote and change from the NBA game to A Christmas Story. That way your sister can remember to scream at you for buying them a BB-Gun last year. Too bad, she doesn’t know that if they did shoot each other, we would all be able to watch the game in peace.  It can be enough to drive you nuts, ruining the holiday season for you. Luckily, that does not have to be the case!

The most annoying thing about the holiday season is you never seem to have enough cash for everything. I mean let’s face it; the life size robotic Santa Claus with a white gold beard and ruby encrusted cheeks is not cheap. Let alone the pimped out hydraulic sled built by Hummer! If you have any balls than you know, how important it is to outdo your annoying 65-year-old neighbor when it comes to decorating. No one likes being called a sissy pants loser, especially by a geezer in dirty depends. I mean, do you really want your son to think that it’s ok to let old people win? I didn’t think so! So if you really want to get the old fart back and soundly beat him this year as the best house in the neighborhood, than your going to have to shell out the big bucks. We all know your wife will throw a fit if you spend the entire Christmas budget on decorations again. For some reason she thinks your kids getting presents is more important than beating Mr. Ebenezer. Now I know what you are probably thinking at this point, that Christmas is almost two months away. However, if you want to win you have to start building up the cash now. What you’ve got to do is get yourself a second job whose earnings are solely for buying the big boy toys. (continue reading…)

How To Be a Halloween MVP!

by. Mr. Glass

from the October issue of TheOuterBelt!

October is such an amazing time of year. Not just because of all of the colorful flowers and decorations, but also because of Halloween! Halloween and all of the festivals and traditions that go on with it defiantly make fall time Mr. Glass’s favorite time of the year! Whether its dressing up like a cartoon character, getting free candy, or being mischievous it all adds up to the best night of the year! You have to do it right if you want to stand out from everyone else and truly be an MVP of Halloween!

One of Halloweens greatest customs is the whole dressing up aspect of it! Any other time of the year it is considered socially unacceptable for a 27 year old man to dress up like Sonic the Hedgehog, or Wonder Woman! On Halloween though it’s considered awkward if you aren’t dressed up like your favorite Superhero or villain! That is why picking out the perfect costume is one of the most important parts of Halloween! (continue reading…)

From Septembers issue of TheOuterBelt. A Special thanks to Ryan Gillespie owner of TheOuterBelt, for helping me set up this site!

How To Land a Job: The Mr. Glass Way!

by. Mr. Glass

Everyone knows by now that we are in what some people would like to call a recession. Basically the economy is in the crapper, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to get better anytime soon! Finding a good job is one of the hardest things to do right now! So I am going to offer some tips that should help you land the best job that considers you worthy of hiring! So take notes and prepare to get hired, or fired if you already have one!

Every employer wants a reliable employee, someone they can count on. One way that they judge applicants reliability is looking at their work history. Unfortunately not all of us have worked at the same job for 6 years straight! So a good way to show that you are consistent at everything you do is to make sure you always quit your job in a brilliant way! Take me for example, my first job, which was selling Kirby vacuum cleaners door to door, I worked at for just three days! At the end of the third day I told my boss I’d see him tomorrow and hoped in my car then proceeded to back into his car busting out his taillights, yelling out (continue reading…)

So this  is the first post of my brand new website! Whether your visiting ManOfGlass.com or SirGlass.com it will all lead you right here, to the Mr. Glass Experience!

Mr. Glass's Words of Wisdom

The Mr. Glass Experience is not just for promoting my book, Mr. Glass’s Words of Wisdom (due out soon from RoseDog Books, only $8 WOW!). I will also be posting all the original articles, stories and poetry I write, as well as promoting any and all projects I am a part of. Such as the cool E-zine that I have a monthly column in, TheOuterBelt.com . If you haven’t checked it out yet your lame! Every month you can read my new hilarious advice column, as well as some other cool articles about Columbus!

Also I will be trying to post as often on here as I can, to make the Mr. Glass Experience reach its fullest potential. I’ll be posting music, interviews, movie reviews, my monthly mixtape I plan on hosting, and pretty much anything else that pops into my head. Trust me it will definitely be worth checking out! This is not going to be your ordinary blog, this is Mr. Glass’s blog! I mean the same crazy stuff you see in my Daily WOW’s will be showing up on here, but even better. I will be able to post longer things, divulging into all kinds of crazy stuff on here for you guys. I know I am probably sounding kind of weird right now, but that’s why you all love me, cause I’m weird!

So I would like to take this time again to give thanks to everyone who has helped support my Daily Words of Wisdom! You guys helped them grow from a random text message one day into a daily tradition! Without your support they wouldn’t have lasted a single week. But here we are over a year into them and I am working hard to make sure they still have you laughing! So thank you again to all of my friends! I do however want to give special thanks to Mr. Ethan Kefauver, for without whom the book would just be full of words. His illustrations are amazing, and if I can ever get the guy to sit down and work with me, we will be doing some more projects! So thank you again to everyone, and especially to my own personal illustrator and brother from another mother Ethan Kefauver!