A Werewolf on the Roof: How to Survive this Holiday Season!

by. Mr. Glass

From the November issue of TheOuterBelt!

The holiday season is fast approaching us and we all know what that means. Lots of time with friends, family and annoying carolers who do not seem to understand that when you answer the door in your boxers with your 12-guage in hand that it means you would greatly appreciate them leaving you alone. Unfortunately, we all know that spending time with your family also means spending time with that annoying mother in law of yours, and your rotten little nephews. Don’t forget that your grandma is going to talk for two hours straight about her cats in the middle of the Thanksgiving football game. Then on Christmas, your nephews are probably going to steal the remote and change from the NBA game to A Christmas Story. That way your sister can remember to scream at you for buying them a BB-Gun last year. Too bad, she doesn’t know that if they did shoot each other, we would all be able to watch the game in peace.  It can be enough to drive you nuts, ruining the holiday season for you. Luckily, that does not have to be the case!

The most annoying thing about the holiday season is you never seem to have enough cash for everything. I mean let’s face it; the life size robotic Santa Claus with a white gold beard and ruby encrusted cheeks is not cheap. Let alone the pimped out hydraulic sled built by Hummer! If you have any balls than you know, how important it is to outdo your annoying 65-year-old neighbor when it comes to decorating. No one likes being called a sissy pants loser, especially by a geezer in dirty depends. I mean, do you really want your son to think that it’s ok to let old people win? I didn’t think so! So if you really want to get the old fart back and soundly beat him this year as the best house in the neighborhood, than your going to have to shell out the big bucks. We all know your wife will throw a fit if you spend the entire Christmas budget on decorations again. For some reason she thinks your kids getting presents is more important than beating Mr. Ebenezer. Now I know what you are probably thinking at this point, that Christmas is almost two months away. However, if you want to win you have to start building up the cash now. What you’ve got to do is get yourself a second job whose earnings are solely for buying the big boy toys. (continue reading…)

How To Be a Halloween MVP!

by. Mr. Glass

from the October issue of TheOuterBelt!

October is such an amazing time of year. Not just because of all of the colorful flowers and decorations, but also because of Halloween! Halloween and all of the festivals and traditions that go on with it defiantly make fall time Mr. Glass’s favorite time of the year! Whether its dressing up like a cartoon character, getting free candy, or being mischievous it all adds up to the best night of the year! You have to do it right if you want to stand out from everyone else and truly be an MVP of Halloween!

One of Halloweens greatest customs is the whole dressing up aspect of it! Any other time of the year it is considered socially unacceptable for a 27 year old man to dress up like Sonic the Hedgehog, or Wonder Woman! On Halloween though it’s considered awkward if you aren’t dressed up like your favorite Superhero or villain! That is why picking out the perfect costume is one of the most important parts of Halloween! (continue reading…)

From Septembers issue of TheOuterBelt. A Special thanks to Ryan Gillespie owner of TheOuterBelt, for helping me set up this site!

How To Land a Job: The Mr. Glass Way!

by. Mr. Glass

Everyone knows by now that we are in what some people would like to call a recession. Basically the economy is in the crapper, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to get better anytime soon! Finding a good job is one of the hardest things to do right now! So I am going to offer some tips that should help you land the best job that considers you worthy of hiring! So take notes and prepare to get hired, or fired if you already have one!

Every employer wants a reliable employee, someone they can count on. One way that they judge applicants reliability is looking at their work history. Unfortunately not all of us have worked at the same job for 6 years straight! So a good way to show that you are consistent at everything you do is to make sure you always quit your job in a brilliant way! Take me for example, my first job, which was selling Kirby vacuum cleaners door to door, I worked at for just three days! At the end of the third day I told my boss I’d see him tomorrow and hoped in my car then proceeded to back into his car busting out his taillights, yelling out (continue reading…)