The Mr. Glass Experience

For the past few days (weeks or maybe even months if you are a Fanboy) the internet and technology worlds have been buzzing in anticipation for the announcement of Apple’s new “tablet.” Well today everyone got what they have been waiting for. Steve Jobs, Apples’ Guru, announced the new device today before a media only crowd. The rumors have been confirmed, Apple is launching a brand new device called the iPad! Some are calling it “The most advanced technology” they have seen, yet others claim it is “magical”, “brilliant” and “awe-inspiring”. While it appears to be an oversized iPhone, trust me the iPad is a whole new device.

Boasting an impressive 9.7 inch OLED multi-touch screen in a package that is 0.5 inches think and weighs less then 2 lbs, the iPad might just be lightning in a bottle! With built in Wi-Fi capabilities, and an option to have 3G coverage (provided by AT&T of course) this puppy has it all. The iPad comes in varying sizes of memory from 16gb up to 64gb, (wait…doesn’t the iTouch and iPhone have just as big of memories?) there is sure to be an iPad that fits every lifestyle. Built in Bluetooth allows you to connect on the go with a slew of wireless headsets and devices. Accessories are sure to go great with the iPad and range from leather carrying cases, to keyboard docks. Now I know some of you are asking why on earth would anyone be willing to spend up too $829 for what is essentially a overgrown version of the iTouch? I mean the thing doesn’t even have a camera like the iPhone, or USB ports like a Netbook. Touché, however the iPad does have some awesome features, along with something that no other device comes close too; and it just might make Steve Jobs a god among men!

Not only will you be able to run apps galore from the 140,000 strong collection in Apples’ App Store, but it will be debuting a brand new app designed specifically for the iPad, iBook (take that Amazon Kindle). Now not only will you be able to rock out to your favorite Lady GaGa track while surfing the web, you will also be able to read books (like Mr. Glass’s Words of Wisdom, available on Amazon.com). Something sure to lure those avid book fans into dishing out the cash to get their hands on one (hmm $19.99 for this hardcover, or $829 for this digital contraption). The color touch screen is far better and brighter then Amazon’s Kindle and Kindle DX that sport a black and white, non-touch screen (yes they still make those things). Apples’ launch of the iPad and new iBook app means that they plan on conquering the EBook scene like they have with digital music. Five of the nations biggest publishers along with some of the largest newspapers and magazines, are already on board and will be available in the iBook store from day one. However the most exciting new feature by far makes up for the iPads’ lack of camera, and wallet robbing price. No its not the ability to view Flash or PDF documents, its something way better!

Steve Jobs likes to think of himself as a man of the people. He knows what the people want, and sets out to create it for them. Steve like many women around the world have long wanted an alternative to ruined panties. That is why Jobs decided that what the world really needed the most was not just an oversized, less useful and more expensive version of the iPhone; but an oversized, less useful and more expensive version of the iPhone with ultra absorbent wings! That is right, Jobs and Apple aren’t satisfied with dominating the Music, and Book scenes, they also plan on being a leader in women’s feminine care! Women (and men alike) will go nuts for a maxi pad that not only protects those Vicky Secret satin panties, but can also get the latest edition of The New York Times while blasting “Pants on the Ground” and checking out the internet dating scene. The iPad is a truly revolutionary device. Never before has so much been packed into one small hunk of metal. TWorld, be prepared to meet your maker, Mr. Steve Jobs!

However now that the latest Apple product has been released, its got all the Fanboy’s and rumor mills craving for what’s next. Well Mr. Glass has you covered, here is a little list of devices, apps and products I think Apple might be coming out with in the next year or so:

• iTampon : a sleeker version of the iPad for those women who prefer to wear thongs!
• iMasturbate : a joint venture between Apple and KY, a line of personal lubricants that is sure to have your partner screaming iEnjoy!
• iCondom : With Apples’ foot into the personal health market, you didn’t think they were going to miss out on a chance to create the first YouTube streaming personal protection did you?
• iBra : A line of sleek and sexy devices that not only give you with the latest technology, but also provide a certain amount of support!
• iPoop : A new laxative…enough said!
• iJesus : An interactive, technologically advanced, modernized approach at religon, with Steve Jobs as God!
• iRun : a jogging simulation game for the iPhone and iPad owners who cant find time to actually run!
• iSuck : Apples alternative to the Fleshlight!
• iDied : A new line of ultra sleek, ultra sheik coffins. Now you can enjoy the afterlife with all your favorite music, movies & books!
• iDouche : Who said douching couldn’t be enjoyable?
• iQuit : A Groundbreaking app to help you tell your boss to screw off!
• iWife : Apples’ brand new technology based wonder woman! A wife who can cook, clean, surf the web, and plays your favorite music whenever her mouth opens….YES PLEASE!

Apple well certainly be busy over the next few years. Anyone else excited for the release of iJesus?

And now it seems they have already launched the advertising campaign for the iPad, below is the first commercial for Apple’s new product!

I’d like to give a huge shout out to my Australian homie Rob a.k.a. DJ Sape for helping promote my book. My friend from the OZ has given me some shout outs on the many blogs he is a part of, including Its About Music. Make sure you check his blogs out, especially SapeSaga.Blogspot.com!

Who is the real Mr. Glass?

Ever wondered who exactlly is Mr. Glass? How on earth did he come up with that name? Where is he really from? Why on earth does he thank the secret service in his book? All of these questions and more will be answered! A unique uncensored autobiography of the man now known simply as Mr. Glass will be coming very soon! So keep checking back!

Until then keep your eyes posted to the site for a Mr. Glass exclusive mixtape coming soon! I plan on doing a profile/interview of up-and-coming hip-hop group Fly.Union as well so be excited!

BTW the 10 copies are all claimed and accounted for….so the rest of you will just have to wait until I order some more or until you order one yourself!